Countdown to my 30th Birthday

For the last many years, I’ve dreaded my 30th birthday. I always knew that the 30th would be my most undesirable one simply because I thought I would cease to be the guy-in-his-20s anymore. 30th birthdays do not have the same charm as 20th or 24th or 27th. Makes me feel older, entering the 4th decade of my lifetime. They just sound too morbid to me.

So, taking cue from the fact that each my birthdays over the last decade has turned out to be a fiasco in some way, I have been expecting my 30th to be no different and have been preparing for the stupid day with no excitement at all.

MagicWandThough my birthday is only in the end of august, yet last night something magical took place that has turned things around when I got a magic make-a-wish wand. All I need to do is wave the wand and utter a wish and it will be fulfilled. Sounds childish, right? But it made a difference to me. It made me feel as if it is not my 30th birthday that I am approaching but my 3rd.

I am super excited now that I have been told this month is a special month and that I can expect lots of surprises. I feel that age again when I would stay sleepless the night before my birthday because I would be so looking forward to the excitement of the day and the gifts that would come rolling in.

Obviously, at 30, you don’t care much about the gifts money can buy anymore. What you do care about is the fact that you have people to make you feel on top of the world.

So, the gong has been sounded and the countdown to my birthday has begun.

29th August, 2013, I am looking forward to you.

The Fake Wellwisher

Often, when you are not too happy, you might find a lot of people empathising with you. And, that is a good thing because you feel you are not alone.
However, when things turn around and you are happy again, most of those people would continue to be happy for you but there would be a few who would suddenly vanish. All your deep ties appear broken.
I wonder why that happens. Maybe it is human nature that brings out the good in people when they see others unhappy and that somehow makes them feel their lives are so much better.
But it is much more difficult for them to see the same people become happy, maybe because it rubs away the special feeling that they have enjoyed till then.
Truth be told, once you identify this behaviour, you should be even happier than before because now you know that someone is jealous.

Love and Loss

Sometimes, when you love someone, then the most difficult thing that you can endure isn’t losing them but having to watch them lose you.

You cry not because of your own loss, but because you know someone else is crying too.

Thank God or else…

When some people thank (their) God for giving them what they wanted – happiness, money, health, etc. – and claim the greatness and lovingness of God because of their own personal experiences, isn’t it unfair to those who are supposedly given the opposite of that – disease, disability, grief and a life of immense and eternal suffering?

Consider a state that does everything for the rich but neglects the poor and takes away even their basic rights as humans –  right to health, education, food, water, justice, etc. Wouldn’t it be unfair to the unfortunate for these few lucky people to praise that state endlessly because of what it does for them?

And, what if the state declares that it will only take care of the people who vote for it again and again and that those who don’t, must be punished forever or at least until they also fall in line? Wouldn’t you call that state an evil state? Of course you will. Then how dare anyone ever say that in order to get the love of God, you must pray and worship endlessly and have complete faith otherwise you would be subjected to eternal damnation even after you are dead? Sounds equally evil to me.

How would you explain the lovingness and generosity of God when a child is born with a permanent disability, is going to live in suffering for its entire lifetime (long or short) and is marked to die with it? When I see someone suffering immensely, wouldn’t it be a corruption of my mind and morals if I should still praise God?

As Epicurus famously quoted:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

On Love

Love Hearts

I come online many times to this blog and start a new post, like this one, and I want to write something on Love. And I want my post to be carefully worded because I want what I say to mean many things. Yet, when I sit down to think about what I must say, I don’t have words to put forward. It is as if everything I want to say has vaporized and I would rather log-off yet again and wait for the next smart idea to start writing.

But so far as Love is concerned, there are no smart ideas. There are only real or surreal things to say and put forward but has anyone who ever thought and wrote about Love said things plainly enough? No. Or at least I know that I haven’t.

There is something about Love that causes the writer to keep going around in circles trying to build some sort of a palace of thoughts and feelings and emotions from there to address what he wants to say. Any discussion on Love has to make it sound mystical and full of reverence.

And so the point is, it is too damn difficult to say things plainly. There are no simple ways to define how Love is supposed to feel. It means different things to different people and for some people, what, who and how they love is always a big big secret.

It’s not my Karma

Karma

 

Karma, they say, basically means that your good and bad actions or deeds come back to reward or punish you. So, if something good is happening in your life right now, it is because of your past good Karma and if something bad is happening, it must be some bad Karma.

Of course, it is only a concept that people theorize about and it comes mostly from religious texts but, of course, no one can ever know for sure. Well, then why am I writing on this? It is for two reasons.

First, I think it is completely wrong. Why? Because it requires me to presuppose that the Universe is a just place. It tries to fool me into assuming that I am the most special component at the centre of this universe and the entire universe along with the laws of nature are colluding to make things happen with only me on its mind. Or, increase the subset and say it has us – all humans – on its mind. Even then, I feel that once you consider the vast expanse of the universe and our relatively tiny and irrelevant place in it, the concept just stops making sense right then and there. The universe is huge and we haven’t explored even 1% of its size to see if there are any others like us on some other planets. It is so vast that we haven’t yet, and might never be able to discover any other forms of life in it. Yet, we can be so arrogant and self-centred to make this gigantic claim to know that the same universe is designed to run as this rewarding and punishing machine that know exactly what some tiny human did and what he/she should get in return.

Secondly, let us suppose that this concept was somehow acceptable on the grounds that it encourages us to do good deeds increasingly more often than bad ones fearing Karmic retribution. Fair enough. But I am still not too happy with it because now it attempts to do something else that spoils the essence of being human. That it does by telling people that their achievements and failures are somehow magically linked with a past that they might never know to be true (like from “past lives”), thereby fictionalizing our lives. Does it also mean that one’s efforts to achieve something and their emotions and feelings attached to it are basically irrelevant in front of Karma?

We don’t need to find supernatural explanations in everything. Sometimes, things just happen. The essence of being human is in doing and dreaming, it is in rising and falling, it is in flying and hurting. We deeply cherish both our good days and bad days and that is how humanity gets its charm. Let us not trivialize it by resorting to a concept that stinks of wishful thinking and immaturity in order to gain a placebo effect.

The phobia of reading Romance

There is something weird about reading novels on romance because I have never been able to read one. Yes, Love Story by Eric Segal is something almost everyone has read and so have I, but I must declare, with humbleness, that that is where my affair with the genre ends (so far as reading books is concerned).

I’ve bought and read hundreds of books in my life – philosophy, biographies, crime, drama, humor, etc. – but I have never been able to pick up another book on romance. I’ve heard a lot about authors who write very good romance and I’ve also considered getting my hands on Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare, but something doesn’t click. Trust me, I am not against the concept of romance, and like everyone else, I do aspire for it in the same way, but there is something about these books that makes me keep away from reading them.

After years and years, I finally own The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks – a book that is only about 180 pages. I’ve had it with me for over 2 months and yet I am unable to finish it.

What is this phobia then? Is it the fear of loss or the possibility of happiness that they might falsely promise?

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