God’s Diary


Dear Diary,

I am omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. I am good, I am goodness. I am the crusher of evil. I am happiness itself. I am everywhere. I am everlasting.

But, I am also bored.

Yes, it is a terrible feeling being bored. What shall I do? I made the universe, the heavens, the earth and it has been so long since I did that and placed these stupid humans on earth. Now, I am just sitting and watching them as they go about their lives. And I am bored. And there is no one here with me.

Sometimes I enjoy myself by sending hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and have fun watching those “people” fly around and smash into things and things smash into them. And at other times I start jungle fires to clear up the view. My favourite country is, of course, Japan where I like to test my nuclear capabilities. It was fun when I spoilt their reactor. The poor Japs thought they made some mistakes, but why do they forget that I am behind everything that ever happens in the world?

Mostly, I am spending my time spinning a coin to decide whether the next kid to be born should be normal or deformed. If I am tired, I simply send a death wave to kill them all.

I remember when I invented religion. That is something that is still keeping my amused. I appeared in different forms in front of different groups and I liked it when they all got confused. Now, that has brought in some entertainment in the long term. But what I found intriguing was that these people even invented some new religions of their own. I didn’t mean to confuse them so much, but what the hell! And I like the fact that most of them remember me so much, they even pray to me. I know I can easily grant everyone’s wishes but where will be the fun in that?

I want to write more, but what stops me from writing is that there will be nobody to read what I am writing. Except me! So, I think I will just stop here and focus back on Earth. There are a lot of rapes happening in India and I am finally making them more and more gruesome. But don’t you dare think I am immoral. Look at how many women I am saving by not having them raped, even though I’ve said in all my holy books that I hate women. So what if a few of them are sacrificed? At least they are realizing there is again a battle on between good and evil (wink! wink!).

godcomputerIn my defense, I may be subjecting some small amount of people to tragedies, but look at how much good I have been doing at the same time? Look at what a role model I have made out of (that atheist) Stephen Hawking by paralyzing him for life and yet he has become an enigma for everyone. He represents hope for millions whom I have made that way. So, don’t I infuse hope into the lives of people by taking something away from them? Isn’t that what humans should be learning from all of this?

But those 16% atheists, they just don’t understand me. But I know you do understand, my dear diary, don’t you?

With Love,

(The) God!

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